Screenpopp

I’m a big fan of Disney musicals. Even though I’m a grumpy, straight male dad in his mid-thirties, I can belt “Beauty and the Beast” and “Frozen” top-to-bottom with Guffman-esque gusto. This and the fact that I have 4 kids ages 10 and under makes me uniquely qualified to review the latest attempt by Disney unvault and remake a classic into another classic.

The movie screams, “Look at me! I’m a live action Cinderella movie!” But it gives us little reason to care about the characters beyond nostalgia. When Cinderella, played functionally by Lily James, gets her transformed dress, she twirls and enjoys it for what seems like minutes. The camera is static while Cinderella just keeps enjoying, and enjoying, her new dress. This is princess porn for 7-year-old girls.

The bold colors costumes and sets seemingly require an even bolder color palette for the makeup. Cinderella, post-transformation, is distractingly over-sparkled. And Prince, Robb Stark himself, also known as Richard Madden, attempts to out-pumpkin the coach with his orange skin and piercing, digital-blue eyes. Cate Blanchett is unsurprisingly commanding of the screen as the wicked stepmother. But everyone else, unlike their costumes and makeup, is relatively bland.

At this point, CGI budgets should be no object for Disney. But despite this and what should be unlimited time to prepare the digital set pieces, many of the FX scenes fail to work in this film. The CGI mice are neither cartoon cute nor photoreal. They split the difference in an obviously awkward way. The transitions from animals to servants and back again should’ve been an FX marvel and a real moment of fun and inventiveness. Instead it’s mostly hokey — horses with slightly bigger ears and whatnot (because they used to be mice!)

This film deserved to have more laughs, better characterization, magical effects, and dynamic storytelling. Instead it emerged safe, but relatively lifeless. My daughter will certainly enjoying watching it one or six times, but don’t expect Dad to be excited about it.

Reviewed by: Chad Toney on September 19, 2015